Families under siege (Part One)

Families under siege: A look at shattered relationships in 2 Samuel 13 verses 1-39

INTRODUCTION

‘I’VE NEVER SEEN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP’

A female colleague at university confessed to my admittedly startled face. Shocking, isn’t it, that a young Christian woman (I use the term nominally) can say without jest that relationships even in God’s house, amongst God’s children are just as dysfunctional as anyone else’s.

The Christian family of our age is beset with numerous challenges and issues with absentee fathers, irresponsible mothers and delinquent children fast becoming the norm. Back in the day, it used to be just the odd family or two in the neighborhood with overblown (or secret) domestic issues. Now however, family troubles abound left, right and center.

The Baptist Chapel Youth do not believe that we can solve all the problems militating against today’s families; only God can. But like rebuilding a torn down wall, where every brick plays its part in replacing what was lost, we believe the words which follow will draw us towards a path of greater responsibility. That is our earnest and sincere prayer.

The Baptist Chapel Youth Fellowship

Barnawa, Kaduna

January 2012

ONE

If there was one event that dominated 2011, especially amongst the young people around me, it was weddings. Between October and December, I had the privilege of attending wedding ceremonies for dear friends and family. As is often the case, I travelled in the midst of fellow church members. Talk predictably drifted to marriages, an apt and highly relevant topic. But the stories were far from the happily ever after tales I had often (naively?) associated with people in love. They were shocking to say the least, chronicling accounts of heartbreak, infidelity, abuse, assault and battery, slander and grievous bodily harm. All too often, what starts out as a wonderful relationship of love and sacrifice terminates as a war between spouses where bitterness and hate seemingly reign supreme. In fact, it is often said that we think so much about the wedding ceremony than about the life of marriage that follows.

A lot of our problems occur because our relationships are totally out of sync with God’s expectations. Having made the choice to go our own way, can we really be surprised when things spiral into disaster? Scripture is full of the accounts of mistakes and errors, not just of the wicked and immoral, but also of saints and heroes like Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Samson, and especially David. Ah! David; the man after God’s heart and one of the principal actors in our case study. Join us as we explore the cast and characters of a family tragedy.

Enhancing the participation of women in leadership

ENHANCING WOMEN’S PARTICIPATION IN LEADERSHIP

By Jerry William Chaba

In a 2011 study published by the Harvard Business Review, in which 7,280 business leaders were polled, 16 leadership skills or ‘competencies’ were considered. (namely, taking initiative, self development, integrity and honesty, ability to stretch goals, building quality relationships, collaboration and teamwork, drive for results, development of others, inspiration and motivation, championing change, solving problems and analyzing issues, prolific and powerful communication, connects the group to the outside world, being innovative, technical and professional expertise, developing strategic perspective. Sources: Zenger, J and Folkman, J.)¹. The poll shows women outperforming their male counterparts in all but 2 of the listed skills, including those which were considered traditional male strengths, like taking initiative and driving for results. Men outscored women only in one skill, i.e. developing strategic perspective.

While it is refreshing to see women get the credit they thoroughly deserve, these figures, however, must be approached with caution. Opinion polls are heavily influenced by personal tastes, biases and beliefs, and while this makes little difference in behavioral studies and operational analysis, anecdotal evidence is not pure science. Also 7,280 respondents represent a small sample size when compared to the number of business leaders available worldwide. What the poll does tell us is that women are capable of high office and responsibility based on the opinions of their peers, and can perform admirably when compared with male colleagues and counterparts.

Translating belief into concrete gains on the ground, however involves continuous education and mentoring programs for promising girls and young women. Policies like KIND’s KUDRA program must continue apace, along with programs that link bright and talented young women with positive role models who will replicate female success stories across all facets of our national experience and provide them with practical hands-on knowledge. As always, it is critical to engage young people in their formative, malleable years, when positive ideals can make meaningful impact. Hence the importance of targeting primary and post-primary school aged girl children.

Employing political leverage and ensuring female representation within the national political process will also enable women with the political clout to engage issues of broad interest. KIND currently pursues an admirable ‘30 x 15’ goal, which targets a 30% representative figure of politically active women leaders within the Nigerian natural political process by the year 2015. Cognizant with the view that political influence alone is far from enough, the European Union currently seeks a 40% quota for women on supervisory boards for all European companies. This quota is expected to be in place by 2020, and failure to comply would attract fines, exclusion from government tenders and even a ban on public subsidies.²  While such policies are indeed laudable, effective monitoring and evaluation is necessary if efficacy must be guaranteed. KIND (along with other well-intentioned bodies) must remain vigilant and courageous enough to continually advocate that the quantity as well as the quality of women leadership does not in any way depreciate. Quotas are a double edged sword, and left unhindered may descend into tokenism and inefficacy.

Women leadership can also be enhanced by ensuring that small and medium-scale businesses owned by women receive access to much needed financial support through linkages with micro-finance institutions (or even conventional banks). Funding remains a huge challenge to women who are driven and talented, but lack the finances to grow their businesses. Micro-finance institutions have begun to bridge the gap, but there remains a large number of unbanked female entrepreneurs, eager to contribute their part to their families and to the nation at large. Historically, loans by female borrowers are less likely to turn problematic, as most women are usually risk-averse when compared to their male counterparts. 97% of the borrowers from the world-famous Grameen Bank are women, and surprisingly, while there is no ‘legal instrument’ between the borrower and the lender, the bank never has to switch to ‘punishment mode’ to deal with any defaulters. Largely because the bank believes that women are more entrenched in their host societies and are very reliable borrowers.³  Programs like this would empower women with the means to determine their own fates and take bolder decisions for the benefit of themselves and their families.    

The link between non-governmental organizations and the public and private sectors of the nation must be continually strengthened to ensure the smooth flow of ideas. Brilliant ideas may end up in stasis or even remain unimplemented because communication channels are poor (or even non-existent). Funds meant for quality grassroots programs might be misplaced or misused because information meant for certain people was never received, or was probably never sent in the first place. Committed young women could be discouraged from assuming responsibility because of the wrong influences. There is too much at stake for politicians and agencies to get distracted with fiefdoms and powerbases. If the goal is enhancing the quality and caliber of women leaders as well as their participation, then there is no nobler reason for pulling together for a common cause. Women after all, are worth it.

SOURCES

1.   Zenger, J. and Folkman, J. Are women better leaders than men?  Harvard Business Review, March 2012

 http://bobmorris.biz/are-women-better-leaders-than-men?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+bobmorris%2FISWw+%28Bob+Morris%29

2.   Okechukwu Nnodim, EU seeks 40% quota for women on boards The Punch, September 5 2012 p30

3.   Randall, B. When it comes to small business loans, women are preferred , May 28^th 2010 www.gradyjournal.com/?p=4880

             

Manifesto for the Nigerian Youth

MANIFESTO FOR THE MODERN NIGERIAN YOUTH

Nigeria ails.

Not from spasms of violence and havoc of all sorts wreaked across the land in the name of whatever cause suits the day. Not the thieving political classes that gorge themselves fat from the blood, sweat and tears of the masses. Not from the countless unqualified servants in the public sector who oil the wheels of corruption, cavorting in bribery while infrastructure collapses all around them. Not from the press who have sold out truth and principles for the leash of vested interest, tribal sentiment and cold hard cash. Not from our security agencies, who at best stand idly by while miscreants unleash civil war upon the land, or worse, are the very agents of mayhem themselves. Not from our religious leaders, who say one thing in public, while in secret they embrace the exact opposite, comfortable in the belief their deeds are hidden from all. Not from the judiciary, the so called ‘last hope for the common man’, where justice is up for sale to the highest bidder and court decisions are more laughable by the day. Friends, Nigeria ails, and the aforementioned are but symptoms of a far deeper lying malaise: an absolute lack of values.

Where we have grown to know the stoic and stiff upper lipped Briton, the efficient German, the unbowed Jew, the passionate Mediterranean, and the patriotic American, we can now add another thoroughly deserved stereotype; the corrupt Nigerian. One who would lower himself to any deed for a price. One who would spurn common good in the wanton pursuit of wealth; sell off his loved ones a thousand times over for a contract, flaunt stolen funds in the most lavish and debauched manner while their countrymen live in squalor.

Friends, Nigeria fell ill the moment we decided public office was more of an opportunity to aggrandize wealth and pilfer funds than a chance to serve the people who elected us. The very moment the contents of a man’s pockets became more important than the quality of his character, we lost our moral compass. The moment we placed a premium on short-term opportunism, as opposed to permanent long-term goals, we lost it big time. The moment our leaders failed to harness our major potential during the 70s oil boom, but chose to empower a kleptocratic ruling class with the resources to further plunder the country. The Guardian (UK Edition) estimates the total amount embezzled from Nigerian state coffers at a mind-boggling 200 billion pounds sterling. Imagine if that cash had been funneled into the educational sector, or into building and improving our refineries, or even into boosting our agricultural potential or even into sports academies and stadia or theatres, anything but festering away in foreign bank accounts. Recently the papers were awash with the news that certain oil companies had allegedly defrauded the nation of hundreds of billions of naira. These are sums of money that would drive an accountant insane, literally, certifiably, stark raving mad. Is there really no limit to our greed? A friend commented after the Dana air crash that corruption has literally begun to kill us. In time past, the link between corruption and the fate of Nigerians may have been murky or tenuous, but no longer. Corruption has begun to indiscriminately murder us.

But what then is our response? What do we do now, after raking over the painful coals of our country’s ills and woes?

Shall we launch our own version of the Arab Spring, camp out in public squares and arenas and chant until the government is brought to its knees? Unlikely, considering Nigerians’ distaste for long-term inconvenience or discomfort. After all, labour strikes in Nigeria follow a well-defined pattern; total shut down for about three days, then on the fourth or fifth day a ‘compromise’ is reached between the government and the rotund, fresh-faced leaders of labour, and it’s business as usual. Shall we take our chances in the courts of law? Good luck with that, considering the near impossibility of finding worthwhile evidence against the powerful, especially in Nigeria. Even if you are blessed enough to have your day in court, what are the odds that the judge deciding your case has not been compromised?  I propose something far more subtle and yet far reaching; continuous and relentless self education. Become a human black hole for information; analyze every syllable that proceeds from our leaders’ mouths and scrutinize everything you read in the papers. Admit that you are biased; not to worry, everyone is, but at least strive for objectivity in your dealings. If you get a chance to study abroad, grab it with both hands. If you get a chance to learn something new, get a new experience, don’t dawdle; go for it. The world and especially this nation owe us nothing. Of course Nigeria has suffered more than her fair share of poor leadership and blatant thievery, and perhaps the knee-jerk reaction would be a loud and vocal revolution, a call to arms as it were. I dare you to do one better: make something of yourself, become the kind of person that cannot be ignored, shut down or shut up: a force to be reckoned with. Thus you will not need the loudest voice to be heard, but you will be blessed with the best criteria of all: relevance. After all who would you rather listen to; a raving has-been complaining about the ills of the country or the success story who made it despite said ills? Credibility, or at least what passes for it in our country is the currency of power. It is not enough to possess a fat bank account or a famous surname; you must have the courage to do what is necessary. And believe me; we will all need courage in the days ahead. Let us ask of no man, woman or child what we cannot do ourselves. But if we are steadfast, we will make a better, greater country.

This revolution will definitely not be televised, nor will it be emblazoned across the Internet. The revolution will begin with you. The country will change when we ourselves begin to change. It is ludicrous to expect a national paradigm shift when we are unprepared to make any sacrifices of any kind. Begin with the little things; keeping your word, showing up on time, keeping your environment (and person) clean, do the job for which you are paid, don’t pretend to work. Let us pay heed to the little changes, I assure you, the large changes will take care of themselves. There are no quick fixes in life; nothing that’s worth it ever comes without a sacrifice. Let us no longer be deceived by silver tongued politicians who promise much but deliver little. Let us not be swayed by thieves who seek to plunder our coffers under the cover of religious or ethnic idealism. The time has come to act, think and believe for ourselves; in our fathers’ time, our country degenerated from a potential economic and military firepower to an international basket case. What will our children say about us?      

         

Welcome to the Jungle

Welcome to the jungle: a take on the aluu lynching.

 Like most Nigerians you probably woke up on Monday morning (October 8, 2012) to the news of the young men from the University of Port-Harcourt that had been murdered by a mob that had accused them of the theft of some laptops and mobile phones. This was on the heels of the killings of scores of students at the Federal Polytechnic, Mubi, and rightfully, Nigerians of every stripe were horrified by the gruesome scenes played on our television and mobile screens, as four young men were bludgeoned to a mere mockery of their humanity and then set ablaze. I was in Lagos when the story broke, and the media was awash with the lurid scenes. Someone obviously had decided that the event was historic enough to deserve coverage, and felt compelled to share his/her ‘masterpiece’ with the rest of the world. Like wildfire, it spread; another reminder of the real facts of life in Nigeria, 52 years after independence. Welcome, then to the jungle.

The facets to this story are numerous as they are convoluted; some accounts claim the young men were cultists from the university; others label them mere victims of circumstance, trapped in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some say the police were alerted while the young men were still alive and their reply was the usual tardy response, conveniently arriving after the carnage. Others claim the killings had the tacit approval of the police. However, of the following we can be sure:

a.    Four young men were killed in brutal display of mob rule.

b.    The assailants were members of the local community.

As expected, the deaths provoked national outrage and revulsion, with many Nigerians clearly upset and distressed, alarmed by what seemed to be a throwback to the dark days of mindless fury and barbarism. In the days and weeks ahead there will no doubt be some soul-searching, probing and deep questioning. It is our sincere belief that Nigerians will not waste this opportunity to have a serious look at our collective psyche as a people, and offer valuable solutions to what is quickly becoming a frightening and recurrent malaise. For a nation highly adept at sweeping things under the carpets of ineffectual committees, this act is far beyond the pale, and cannot, should not; suffer the neglect of issues past.

One of the worrying subplots emerging from this unfortunate occurrence is the fact that this particular community had been plagued by armed robbers, a fact said to be made known to the local law enforcement agents. Apparently no action was taken, and in the vacuum created by the lack of proper authority, the community probably sought out ways to protect themselves. Self preservation is the right of every individual or community and where constituted authority fails to address that demand, the repercussions are there for all to see. Let me be clear though, self preservation is no excuse for cold blooded murder and there can be no reasonable justification for shedding innocent blood. But we would be remiss if we fail to even consider the reason why Nigerians have zero confidence in the organs of law enforcement, resorting to a locally manufactured brand of retribution. As I listened to the radio that Monday morning, numerous callers made their anger known, but others (while sympathetic to the deceased) lamented the state of affairs that led to the happenings, i.e. the impotence of the law in the face of violent crime. The frustration in their voices was painful to hear; one caller spoke about how robbers beat up her aged mother during a raid, another spoke about the poor response of the police during a robbery, in which a 70 year old man had run to the police station to plead for assistance, only to be told he could expect no help without providing some financial incentive. The community was forced to arm themselves and confront the criminals. In the resulting melee, the robbers fled, leaving one of their number behind. As was expected, the thief was beaten, but then left alive and conscious, awaiting the belated arrival of the authorities. Suddenly a man rushed at the thief and, in front of everyone, slit his throat. When asked why he had done so, the man pointed to a cut on his head, saying it had been inflicted by the robbers with a machete when they attacked his home. They had tried to rape his wife, and whilst intervening, (successfully) he had been injured, albeit almost fatally. How then could he allow such a creature, one who sought to molest the mother of his children (and murder him to execute the deed) live? Such is the dilemma faced by Nigerians in their millions, thus the proliferation of small arms and security personnel in our communities. Have we forgotten the reign of the Bakassi Boys in the South East, especially in the early days of our current democracy? Are we aware of the number of private armies in our country that are answerable only no one but their masters? Do you know the lengths people are willing to go to protect their loved ones?

Long have we complained about the security challenges facing our country, and part of the solution is equipping and training our security agencies, so they are armed with the necessary tools to fight crime and defend our homeland. Corrupt officers must be named and shamed, regardless of rank, religion or ethnic group. Funds meant for the police and other organs must be judiciously spent and accountability must be given pride of place. One way or the other, we are all affected; the next life lost in a security breach could be our own.         

BIG, GREEN AND MISUNDERSTOOD; SIMILARITIES BETWEEN NIGERIA AND THE HULK

BIG, Green, misunderstood: WHY NIGERIA IS SO SIMILAR TO THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

Perhaps you have wondered why I chose the well-known comic character ‘The Hulk’ as the avatar of my blog. Another labored example of post-colonial inferiority, perhaps? A not-so-hidden slant towards Western culture, at the expense of my own? An attempt to cash in on the box-office success of the Hollywood hit ‘The Avengers’?

The Hulk, for me, personifies so many attributes that are remarkably similar to a certain West African nation. Primarily the Hulk is big, enormous, and HUGE. Which is akin to the famous moniker ‘Giant of Africa’, which is now muttered in contempt by disenchanted Nigerians. At over 900,000sq. km, Nigeria is massive, huge, enormous, and chock full of some the most exciting people you are ever likely to meet, the very nerve of the continent, the sensitive soul of the black man. An astonishing number of people call this place home; either physically or spiritually. Visit the vast urban sprawl that is Lagos, and witness the sheer kinetic energy that flows through our people. The Harvard Business Review (June 2012) ranks the Ibadan-Lagos-Accra urban corridor as ‘the engine of West African’s regional economy’. Surely you’ve noticed the first two cities in the sequence. Despite the current security challenges, Kaduna is ranked by the World Bank as one of the best places to do business. We are a huge vibrant swirl of cities, towns, villages and individuals seeking opportunities for growth and benefit.

In the most popular incarnations, the Hulk is pictured in a brilliant shade of green. According to insiders, a totally different colour scheme had been chosen for the character, but a printing error caused the Hulk’s picture to emerge green. An executive decision was taken, and the picture was left the way it was. The decision proved to be a stroke of genius, and millions of fans took the new character to heart, a devotion that has lasted till this very day. Green is also the colour where Nigeria is concerned. From the military to the National Youth Service Corps and even our athletes and sports teams, glory has always come in the shade of green. The colour of freshness, fertility, growth and life itself is green. That is our colour.

The Hulk is often stereotyped as stupid, an uncouth, unwieldy brute. He doesn’t have the glitz and glamour of Tony Stark, he lacks the symbolic patriotism of Captain America, and he doesn’t have the charisma of Thor. And as such everyone seems to forget that the Hulk possesses the mind of Dr. Bruce Banner; the world’s foremost authority on gamma radiation. Some even typify the Hulk with a limited vocabulary, consisting only of the words ‘HULK SMASH!’ Only when the other heroes are overwhelmed and on the verge of defeat, does someone remember to call on the Hulk. But when the threat is dealt with and the danger is past, the Hulk becomes persona non grata once again. As Nigerians, we are often treated like the black sheep of the world family, ostracized and hidden away like the global idiot cousin. The behavior is excused because of the acts of a comparatively few individuals bent on giving the country a bad name. The exemplary deeds of Nigerians are conveniently forgotten, at least until the next continental crisis and another warlord flies into the inevitable power-mad rage. Most countries then engage in hand-wringing and navel gazing, others meet in committees and sessions that hee-haw while the troubles around them get considerably worse. Then Nigeria, the so called corrupt and selfish Nigeria steps in, prepared to pay the price in blood and treasure that other nations shirk. Indeed there is hardly a continent on which Nigerians haven’t bled for the cause of others; we act where others waste words.

Maybe it’s even understandable when foreigners and aliens make disparaging statements about Nigeria; they rarely know any better. More painful are the self-flagellating remarks Nigerians make about their own country, most likely borne out of frustration and despair, and in all honesty there are numerous issues to worry about. But herein lies another lesson to learn; just as the savage and sentient natures of the Hulk now combine to become probably the most formidable individual in his fictional universe, Nigerians must bridge the gap between potential and reality by firmly grappling with our national issues, and not relenting until we conquer. After all, to paraphrase the exchange between Tony Stark and Loki; they may have armies, WE ARE THE HULK!         

THE SILENT SPECTRE OF PARENTAL INTERFERENCE

THE SILENT SPECTRE OF PARENTAL INTERFERENCE.

A popular and perhaps apocryphal story is told about a young man whose greatest desire was to become a musician. His parents, especially his father, however wanted him to study medicine and become a doctor. Both parties raged between the polar options: medicine and music, until the son apparently gave in and got into medical school. Years passed and at the appointed time, the young lad graduated with a medical degree to the absolute delight of his parents. The requisite party was thrown with fanfare and pomp, to the delight of all and sundry. Imagine the chagrin the next day, when the young man walked up to his parents, handed them his medical degree and declared, ‘You wanted a doctor in the family. Here’s the degree. I’m now going to study what I’ve always wanted: music’.

Parents, God bless them, are somewhat unjustly called the appendices of family relationships, especially where grown children are concerned: at one time they may have played a valuable, even vital function, but have now been relegated to a vestigial capacity. As Africans though, we are brought up with an inflexible regard for the elderly, more so with parental figures. Their sage advice is still largely welcomed, their presence is accorded privilege, and their company treated with deserved reverence. There comes a time, however when parental influence crosses the line, and is transformed into its evil twin: parental interference. The overbearing, cloying, all permeating influence that sucks initiative from the young, replacing it with a limited, parentally correct version of life. One might be tempted to think that such behavior reveals itself only when pivotal decisions are required, but alas, most parents have a long and nasty of micromanaging the lives of their children, wards and indeed any young person within their sphere of influence.

Let us be clear: no one wants to do away with parental guidance. But then the key word is guidance, not control. Children are by nature highly mercurial and some degree of parental administration is vital. This will vary from child to child, and there is no one–size- fits-all model. Some children may require a softer touch while others may require a hands-on approach. But we can all agree that the older a normal youth gets, the more responsibilities (s)he should assume. Odd indeed is the thirty-something year old who cannot attire himself without the input of his mother. Or the father that insists that his daughter studies a particular major at a particular institution, despite the multiplicity of choices available elsewhere.

Parental interference may stem from the noblest of intentions: parents may believe mistakenly that the youth in question does not possess the skills, character or talents required to successfully pursue a particular course of study. Others may be convinced that financial well-being and societal status are attached only to certain professions and therefore seek to spare their young ones future hardship. Conversely, more insidious motives are also prevalent, in which parents desire to live vicariously through their children, forcing them into fields and endeavors for which they are poorly prepared. A colleague of mine working in the South-South Region told me that an appalling number of the youths in final year at the local secondary school could not write their names. How then did they get to SS3, you ask? Because parents in the community demand that their children are upgraded to the next class, despite their obvious deficiencies or even whether they pass or fail. This attitude is replicated in public and private schools from Kaduna to Calabar and all over the nation. Parents are shocked, insulted even, when a teacher dares to even suggest that their child isn’t ready for the next class. Teachers, not wanting to lose their clientele, go along with the parents’ demands. All the children, regardless of their performance, are promoted to the next class, parents get their egos massaged; everybody wins.  Unfortunately, there is a hidden, pernicious cost to all this duplicity, one that far outweighs any ‘gains’ made in the present.

First, we deny our youth the joy and pleasure of achievement. The rewards of pitting our wits against problems and tasks, and winning, is a feeling unlike any other. Even when we try and fail, we honestly learn more about ourselves than when we actually succeed, so we win both ways. But when parents take the path of least resistance, whether by promoting students who don’t deserve it, or buying grades when they fail, or even paying mercenaries to write their exams for them, they are sending a clear message to their young ones: You do not have the skills necessary to make your way in the world. You will always have to buy your way into positions, friendships and even relationships, because you are incapable of proper social function.

Forcing the young to achieve excellence via ‘study boot camps’ and a Spartan like devotion to academics, is the other unfortunate extreme. Amy Chua, Harvard professor and author of the best-selling satire/memoir ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’ paints a vivid portrait of raising children in a driven household. Professor Chua forbade any frivolous activity she deemed as distracting to her daughters’ academic prowess. Her daughters were not allowed to score any grade less than an A. There were no sleepovers and they were only given time off to play the violin or the piano (No other instrument was permitted). Television was completely off-limits. Professor Chua herself comes from a family of high achievers: her father is a renowned pioneer in electrical engineering and a professor at the University of California, Berkeley. Her mother holds a degree in chemical engineering, and her sister Katrin is a physician and professor at Stanford University School of Medicine. Yet another sister, Cynthia, holds two gold medals from the Special Olympics, despite being born with Down’s syndrome. Professor Chua seemed keen to continue the trend, and adopted a rigorous schedule for her daughters, even in one extreme case, threatening to burn her daughter’s toys when she found a certain piano piece too difficult to play.

Fortunately Professor Chua saw the error of her ways and began to pull away from the more extreme and controversial standpoints she once held, especially when she discovered her schedule encouraged defiance and rebellion in her younger daughter, Louise, when she expected obedience and compliance. In fact, her book has been described as a ‘coming-of-age story- where the one to come of age is the parent. Professor Chua herself describes her experiences as ‘a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how I was humbled by a thirteen year old. Overbearing parents be warned; a fleeting taste of glory may be all you enjoy before the realities of rebellion and humiliation set in.

Parenting is never an exact science; similar causes do not produce exactly the same results. But as children grow older, parents need to begin the slow and steady transfer of authority to their young ones. The alternatives, either laissez-faire permissiveness or autocratic dominance, have failed us spectacularly. Perhaps it’s time for an approach that marries the needs of youth and the worries of parents in an attempt to provide the best way forward for all parties. The consequences of failure will be far worse than dire.